


dead guys and girls and, i assume, other genders

by dogfang



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Banter, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Ghosts, Ghouls, Oblivious Shane Madej, Protective Shane Madej, Scared Ryan Bergara, Skeptic Shane Madej, Supernatural Elements, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24537358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogfang/pseuds/dogfang
Summary: Things get a little weird during one of Shane and Ryan's ghost hunts
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60





	dead guys and girls and, i assume, other genders

Ryan and shane are in a dark and twisted little subway tunnel. Broken shit everywhere, no lights but their own. The air is stale and still and would be very very quiet... if not for all the _fucking yelling._

"There's no ghosts ryan" 

"Yes there is shane!" 

" _no there isnt ryan_ " 

_yes there is Shane!"_

Shane rolled his eyes. "There isnt ryan, we've been here for 5 hours now, there's _no ghosts_!"

"There are ghosts!! We saw 3 of them on the way here!" 

"That was the wind"

"It wasn't the wind!"

"It was the wind"

"Its a fucking underground subway tunnel, there's _no fucking wind_!" 

Shane gestured aimlessly. "Its just...creaking...its...look its an old tunnel...theres rust and... Stuff makes noise Ryan!"

Ryan turned to him "yeah you know what makes noise?" 

Shane sighed. "What makes noise ryan"

Ryan's flashlight bobbed up and down." _fucking ghosts Shane"_

Shane sighed again, but heavier and with more sarcasm. "Ok fine there's ghosts ryan"

"Ok now youre just indulging me"

"Im not indulging you i just..." Shane's flashlight was painting the walls in little paths of light. "If you _beleive_ there's ghosts then who am i to tell you otherwise?"

"...thats the most condescending thing you've ever said to me. Just now. I cant..." Ryan puts his hand on his head, "i cant deal with this."

"Im just being honest ryan"

"No you're being a dick"

"Its just the truth"

"No its not. We _saw a ghost_!" 

"It was just a guy ryan"

"Yes shane! Ghosts used to be guys! Or girls! Or... other genders i assume! And now theyre _dead_ guys and girls and...people! Theyre _dead people_ shane! But theyre still people! theyre just _dead!_ " 

Shane sighed once again. "Look he was just a guy...hanging there"

"Yeah in _mid fucking air_!"

"It was the light..just...it was weird..." 

"Then _who was he_ _shane_?! Because he didnt respond! He wasnt one of our crew! and then he disapeared!"

"Maybe we scared him"

"Yeah well maybe he scared _me,_ cause, yknow, _his eyes were fucking glowing?!"_

 _"_ oh his eyes were not _glowing_ , ryan, it was just the..."

"The?? The _what_ shane?? The _what_??" 

"The...the flashlights..."

"The _flashlights_?? _really?!"_

"i dont know..."

" _flashlights dont fucking do that! Shane!! They dont fucking do that!!!"_

"i mean...maybe they do...sometimes..."

Ryan stopped in the middle of the tunnel. "So. So what youre telling me is. This is just. Normal. Then." He shrugs. "Just a normal day for shane madej. Weird guys floating in the middle of the room speaking weird shit and having flashlight eyes. Pfft. Typical." 

"You stopped yelling." Shane said. "Thats good. Calming down."

" _...im not fucking calm shane!!"_

Shane shrugged. "..ok."

" _ok? Ok?!?!"_

"Ok. You...you feel your feelings ryan its. Its alright to be afraid." He shined the flashlight around the tunnel. "Its you know..its a spooky place...its dark down here...yeah its ok to be scared."

Ryan took a deep breath. "If we hadnt put like a mile between us and that...ghost guy.."

"Not a ghost"

"I would still be screaming right now"

"Ok. Thats fair."

"Yeah" ryan said

"Yeah youre right."

"Ok."

"Yeah"

"Cool." 

Ryan looked like he was considering creating another ghost right there and then but decided against it.

"Ok." He said, swallowing his fear. "Lets. Lets go. Out. Lets get out of here."

"Ok"

A loud noise rang down the tunnel.

" _What the hell was that?!_ " Ryan shined a flashlight down down into the winding darkness. He scowled at shane. "And dont you dare say it was the fucking wind or or...or _pipes_ or whatever i know youre about to say!" 

"...something...fell over...maybe?"

Ryan seemed about ready to snap. "Ill...you know what..." He took a deep breath. "Lets just go..."

There was more noise. Their flashlights flickered. 

"...Shane" ryan said quietly.

"Yes ryan"

Their flashlights suddenly went out. Darkness engulfed them in an instant.

"... _shane_ " 

" _Yes_ ryan" shane clicked his flashlight on and off, to no avail. "Goddamned...batteries went out..."

" _Both of them_? _At the same fucking time_?!" 

"Yeah." Shane said, looking into his flashlight. "Weird." 

More noises rang down the tunnel. Lights started flickering around them. Pairs of little lights dancing around them now. 

".... _Shaaaanee_ " 

" _What_ ryan" shane turned to look at him, but he was already squishing in next to him. 

" _OhmygodohmygodohmygodFUCK"_

"what?" Shane said. "Its just some lights"

Ryan was too busy freaking out to respond. 

Shadows danced across the walls. Slowly, dark figures emerged from the filthy crumbling concrete. Moaning echoed around the tunnel, so close and so loud it was deafening. 

Ryan made a move to run, trying to drag shane with him, but there was no escape - they were surrounded.

Ryan screamed, clutching Shane. " _WeregonnadieweregonnadiewereGONNAFUCKINGDIE_ " 

Shane sighed. "Ok guys haha very funny" 

Ryan gave shane a hard shake. " _Shane what the fuck are you doing_ " 

Shane sighed. "Look, obviously these guys think theyre playing a Heehaw Funny Prank on us and its just.." He shook his head "its so fucking childish" 

Ryan gave shane a terrified scowl of disbelief. 

The ghouls moaned around them. Crooked hands moved in, grasping at them. One grabbed ryan's pant leg and he shook it off, shreiking. 

Shane ran his fingers thorugh his hair. "Guys im gonna count to 3.."

Torturned moaning so loud shane could barely be heard.

"One"

Bright eyes so ablaze spots danced in ryan's vision.

"Two" 

Their cold hands were on ryan's face. He squeezed his eyes shut, praying it would be quick. 

"Ok guys _this isnt funny anymore_ " shane snapped. "Im mad. Im actually mad. Youve pissed me off!" 

A shadow went for ryan's head. Shane pulled back his hand and gave it a smack. 

The creature went flying into the wall, hard enough to leave a dent.

The others paused. The moaning stopped cold and dead.

"Im sorry i didnt want to have to do this, i didnt want to have to get physical, but" shane shook his head. "Youre all leaving me no choice"

The ghouls stared vacantly. 

Shane stomped his foot on the ground. "I said _get_! you _assholes_! Youre freaking my friend out here!"

Another creature put its freezing hand on ryans shoulder. 

Shane punched it in the nose. 

The creature shrieked and vanished, dissolving into nothing.

Another went for shane. He slapped it aside and it, too, blew away in a puff of smoke. 

The rest fled into the walls. 

There was nothing but darkness all around them.

"...Shane"

"Yeah ryan"

"...What. The fuck." 

He felt shane shrug underneath his hand. "Dunno. Just some weirdos fucking with us i guess." 

The tunnel was suddenly illuminated by twin beams of light. 

"Oh hey, our flashlights came back on!" Shane bounced his around. "Haha whaddya know!" 

He looked back at ryan. He was still clinging to shane, shaking, his mouth wide open as he stared at shane. 

Shane looked back at him, gesturing with his flashlight. "...what?" 

"Shane" 

"Yes ryan"

"What. What the _hell_ shane"

Shane shrugged. "I dunno ryan"

"No really. What the hell" 

Shane shrugged again. "Sometimes people are weird ryan. Sometimes stuff is weird." he reached out and put his hand on ryan's. "Are you gonna. Let go of. Youre still....ok" he patted his hand. "You keep that there then"

"Shane" 

"Yes ryan"

"Tell me you saw that"

"Yes i did"

" _And?"_

 _"_...i...i dont know ryan. People do crazy things sometimes. Shadows. I dont know"

" _shane_!"

"....it wasnt ghosts ryan" 

" _ **Shane**_ "

"I dont know what you want me to say" shane shrugged. "Shadow people....they do...they do be." 

"...do youve just been seeing shadow people this whole time and you didnt say _anything_?!" 

"...its just the wind ryan" 

" ** _its not the fucking wind!!! shane!!!!"_**

"....i dont know what else to tell you, man" shane picked up ryan's flashlight. "Cmon, lets get back to the entrance. Im sure the crew is wondering where we are"

Ryan just stared at him. 

Shane patted his hand. "Im sure you'll find a ghost one day ryan" 

"Shane"

"Yes ryan" 

"...i fucking hate you"

Shane laughed. "I hate you too ryan." He shined his flashlight down the tunnel. "C'mon. I think i saw a 50s diner on the way here. I want a monte cristo"

he grinned at ryan, who was still staring at him in disbelief. He gave him a nudge. "Cmon, ill buy you one too. This was a very creepy, but ultimately disapointing little venture" 

Ryan finally let go of shane. Shane strolled down the tunnel, as if nothing had happened at all. 

Ryan shot a look over his shoulder before quickly following shane. He shook his head. "I just...what the fuck man"

"Yeah i know. Things are weird."

"Yeah thats a little more than weird shane"

"Wind is weird"

"That wasn't the...you know what. Never mind. You better buy me my fucking sandwich you fucking freak of nature"

"Oh i will!" Shane laughed and it sounded just a touch too unnerving. "I definetly will..." 

All around them, the shadows churned. With each step that rang out from shane's footfalls, they parted around their path, and retreated into the darkness behind them. 


End file.
